How it is now (Written May 20, 2009. -Dark Period-)

The supposedly unreachable goal has been attained. The road has disturbingly ended. Now is the time during which freedom and victory should be tasted, and yet there is only a void. A starving hunger that cannot be fed, a depressing thirst that cannot be quenched. This feeling is a nullity; an abyss where the end is concealed not by an obstacle or any kind of object. The hindrance is of distance. Distance as well as time.

Time. . . Time is an interesting thing. It's measures even more so.

I sit here now, the only company is my mind. My thoughts. Being alone with such has caused me to betray myself. My thoughts attack my belief and knowledge. I stretch to provide answers, logical ones, but alas, there are none for what I hold in question. So I cast it away from my mind, and out of my thoughts completely, and perhaps subconsciously, eagerly, await it's return.

I sit here, in front of this bright computer screen, venting my inner-most thoughts and feelings to an audience that, thankfully, is not listening. I can see an hour glass in front of me. An hour glass that isn't really there. I see the granules of sand falling helplessly into the pool of its brethren below. It's completely accurate to say that it is helpless, and because of that, I feel sorrow for it. However, it also knows its purpose. It matters not what choices it makes, or any thoughts it has. It knows what will happen to it, what awaits it, and why. And because of that, I envy it. I see these "granules" at the market, at the theater, and at religious centers. They are perfectly content with living, regardless of the fact that they're falling helplessly into predetermined places. They ignore thoughtful philosophical questions. They ignore logic. They ignore everything that does not concern them. What, then, is the difference between us? What is living in the present moment, and what is ignorance? I resent them, and I envy them. So I continue to watch the hour glass called Earth. I watch the sand fall, and I curiously wonder what will happen when the hour is up.